Since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), it has felt like I was descending into a kind of personal hell. There’s no sugarcoating it—MS can be brutal. It disrupts your life in ways you never expected, forcing you to confront fears and limitations you didn’t know you had. It strips away your sense of control and demands that you adapt, often without giving you time to process what’s happening. It feels relentless.
But as strange as it may sound, this journey through the hell of MS is where I’ve found my true self.
In the beginning, I resisted. I fought hard against the diagnosis, against the changes it brought into my life, and most of all, against the idea that I might not be the person I once was. I was determined to hold on to the version of me that felt invincible—the one who could push through any challenge, the one who defined strength by how much I could do, how much I could endure. When MS began to take pieces of that person away, I thought I was losing myself entirely.
But MS has a way of stripping things down to the essentials. It takes away what you thought you needed—your plans, your expectations, your physical stamina—and forces you to confront what’s left. And in that confrontation, you discover who you really are.
As I navigated the emotional and physical turmoil, I realized something profound: the person I am beneath all of that is stronger than I ever knew. I found a strength that has nothing to do with how much weight I can lift or how many hours I can push through in a day. This strength is quieter, deeper, and far more enduring. It’s the strength to face uncertainty, to live with pain, to accept limitations without letting them define me.
MS has forced me to be vulnerable in ways I never imagined. It’s stripped away the outer layers I used to hide behind—my physical capabilities, my busyness, my ability to keep going without stopping. In that vulnerability, I found something raw and real: my true self. It’s the part of me that remains when everything else falls away—the part that is resilient not because of what I can do, but because of who I am.
The hell of MS has also given me clarity. It’s made me reevaluate my priorities and focus on what truly matters. The superficial things I used to worry about don’t matter anymore. What matters now is the quality of my relationships, the moments of joy I can still find, and the simple act of getting through each day with grace and determination.
I used to think my true self was tied to my achievements, my productivity, and my physical capabilities. But MS has shown me that my true self is something much deeper. It’s the part of me that survives the storm, the part that endures when everything else falls apart. It’s the part that finds strength in vulnerability and peace in acceptance.
So yes, I’m going through hell. But in the process, I’ve found the person I was always meant to be—someone who is stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate than I ever thought possible. I’m learning to live in this new reality, not by clinging to who I was, but by embracing who I am becoming.
For anyone else walking this path, I want you to know that the hell of MS doesn’t have to consume you. It can refine you, shape you, and reveal a strength within that you didn’t know existed. Your true self isn’t lost in the struggle—it’s waiting to be discovered.
In the darkness of this journey, I’ve found my light. And that light is me.
Much love,
E.P.
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